I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
