come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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