They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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