I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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