Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
