Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
