we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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