We won't sleep together?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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