we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
