Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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