last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize