wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
