Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
