My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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