I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
