Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
