reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
