the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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