Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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