Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
