don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize