before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
