a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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