then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
