how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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