so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
