my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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