and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
