so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
