People in love make me want to vomit
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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