oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
