even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
