Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
