maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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