Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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