Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize