I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
