part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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