A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
