I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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