Christians are straight up FREAKS
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
