please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
