Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
