my being single is dangerous.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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