Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
