the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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