he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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