Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
