I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
