$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Randomize
