Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just google imaged poop.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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