the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize