She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You need a sexual gate keeper
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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