My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
