Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
