Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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