Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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