Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
