I love black thongs
literally had 100 drinks last night.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
