you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
