I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
