the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
