btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
