but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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