I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
