There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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