I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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