Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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