under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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