The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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